I Still Cry Sometimes...

 

“Nobody wants your DIRT medicine while you dance around the moon.”

Those are the words that were written to me a couple of months ago while I was searching for alternative ways, outside of surgery, to rid myself of a fibroid. I had joined a uterine fibroid support group on Facebook where I met some amazing women who were sharing their stories and even photos of fibroids that had just been removed. It felt like real unity. One of the women in the group even sent me a pack of 20 pads and it was the last pack of 20 pads I would ever need.

Looking through the comments on the Facebook support group, I noticed a lot of women talking about natural medicines they used. I pushed them for more info and one woman told me she rather send me a private message; of course I said yes, but something felt off about it and I was about to see why. At the same time, I joined this group, I had been collecting lots of info about natural ways of healing fibroids. I was so excited to share my findings with the group and to see what they thought about them. Some of the women said I should avoid natural remedies at all cost as there has not been any actual research on natural healing methods of fibroids. Instead I pushed forward and shared there were testimonies all over the web testifying that natural remedies actually working. I thought to myself what is the big deal! There had even been studies done in my hometown where they used a green tea extract to shrink fibroids very successfully. With all of this info some of the women just seemed irritated by my comments. The women seemed happier to hear stories about someone going to get their uterus removed than a story about a woman being healed! It blew my mind but I still stayed with the group as I thought maybe I would find allies. The woman who messaged me, informed me of the remedies she used to shrink her fibroids and explained she doesn’t say much about natural remedies anymore because of the negative feedback she sees and she personally experienced. So she would only message the women who wanted to know. Being the outspoken activist I am, that did not fly with me, so I became bold and started commenting more so on the group’s Facebook page about natural remedies. I even made a big post about making deodorant and how I wanted to use it to support our cause, and that is when everything went south. A woman verbally attacked me, she said she was reporting me and that I was promoting things that were not medically cleared. I told her that she was promoting surgeries that leave women barren! And, her next sentence just really cut deep, “Nobody wants your DIRT medicine while you dance around the moon.”

It finally clicked. I was that weirdo that everyone talks about with the conspiracy theories and wears a foil cap. I was the outsider looking into a club I had no business being in so I left and I have never returned. I could have stopped there and just gave up on my search, but I told myself that I’d show her, I’d show all of them, and the woman who had been messaging me wished me luck. I continued on my journey and today I sit here writing you this, symptom free. However, for some reason, I still hear her words in my head and it makes me sad. I even still feel like an outcast. Sometimes I am afraid to share my story because I don’t believe anyone will even believe me, but I can’t afford to hold on to fear. I know someone out there needs to hear this, they need to see this, they are looking for freedom and there is freedom, I found it and I want everyone to find it. I want to tell that lady who gave me the fuel to get to where I am now, thank you for putting me in my place. I like it here.  

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